Im Useless, Throw Me Away
by TheInflictedFinger
Summary: SenaHimura yaoi pairing. Dark themes, angst, cutting, and severe depression. Sena's guilt is consuming him, and his mask is slowly cracking. Help comes from the least expected person.
1. Chapter 1

Sena hissed quietly in pain, large amber eyes filling with tears that trembled before falling and leaving moist trails down the boy's tan cheeks.

Blood seemed to mimick the tears, though in crimson. Sena put a steadying hand on his shaking knee and splayed his other leg a bit further to drag the razor through paper thin flesh that paled in comparison to the rest of his tan skin, having never been exposed to the light or other's gaze.

"Why..is it always me.." He whispered softly, voice pained and rough with withheld emotion. He again brought the small blade to his flesh and drew it down in a slightly curved line, leg jerking as nerves in his thigh spasmed in response.

"Fuck..why is it ALWAYS my fault!" Tears spilled in his frustration, and the ever-growing pool of gathered blood beneath him began to dry. The alarm clock on his desk ticked slowly, seeming to mock him and his need for silence. For all the taunting and accusing voices to stop, to just leave him alone.

Eventually the narrow dark tunnel that lingered on the edge of his vision dissipitated, leaving the dim light of his ceiling fan to sting into his retinas, forcefully jerking him back to reality and the world of the living.

Sena's expression turned from self-pity and rage to despair and sadness. Ignoring the throbbing emnating from his thigh, Sena hurriedly pulled back up his gym shorts over his dark green, now slightly crimson boxers, scurrying around his room for a rag.

Discovering his salvation, the boy took it and began scrubbing furiously at the bloodstain, halfheartedly brushing away the hot tears that still leaked from his expressive amber eyes.

Sena jumped and tried to calm his screaming heart and its frantic pace, tossing the rag onto the still visible stain before jerking his checkered blue and green comforter over it.

"Who-" The teen cursed as his voice cracked, he cleared his throat and tried again,"Who is it?"

"Sena, hun?"A soft voice questioned from the other side of the only thing barring her from a horrendous sight of blood trickling down her son's shorts.

"Um, yes." Sena chirped back.

A suspicious huff resounded from the door before his mother knocked again,"You're going to be late for school Sena! Be downstairs in five minutes and ready to go! I have to leave for work, and if you aren't in the car by then you have to walk!"

Sena blinked, glancing at the clock he had previously despised and let out a groan of despair, pulling off his nightshirt and making a wild dash for the closet. "Be right there mom!" But his mom had already retreated to the kitchen.

Sena pulled off his stained shorts and decided against changing his boxers, throwing on his school uniform hastily and dashing out the door and running through the kitchen then out the backdoor dashing down the drive and into his mother's car, which was an easy feat considering his supernatural speed.

Five minutes later found the short teen standing looking forlorn and hurried, an old chevvy puffing away from the curb behind him. Mamori immediately swarmed on him, ruffling his already impossibly messy hair and smiled warmly down on him.

"I thought you weren't going to make it, Sena!"

Sena flushed happily and began walking with her up to the school,"Um, Mamori neechan?"

"Nani?"

A swarm of boys cut him off from his childhood friend. Sena sweatdropped and looked up at the towering upperclassman, mentally cursing his vertically impairedness..nessness...

Mamori flushed and put a hand behind her head, embaressed. "U-um, excuse me..I really need to get to class now.. if this is about joining the American Football team, please talk to Hiruma kun."

The mob instantly froze, paling and scattering in different directions screaming the horrid devil-recincarnate's name in despair and terror.

Mamori blinked owlishly before returning to her shorter friend's side,"This should make Hiruma kun happy, all these people wanting to join the team I mean.."

Sena had to mentally remind himself to keep his jaw shut, or he would catch flies. Sometimes Mamori's innocence astounded him, then again, that's probably the only thing that had kept her his friend this whole time. Sena smiled sadly, not seeing Mamori's concerned glance before she grabbed his arm, smiling cheerfully, and dragged him through the school doors.


	2. Chapter 2

Classes went by as if in a slow motion, leaving Sena feeling as if he were the walking dead as he dazedly exited the classroom, jostled and roughly pushed past by fellow students. He cried out and gripped his shoulder, trying to rub the soreness away as it collided with the corner of the doorframe. Timidly looking over his shoulder, he blanched and hurriedly turned to continue on his way but was stopped by a cold hand landing over his hand on his shoulder, gripping firmly and worsening the pain.

"Look at this, the Gopher looks a little tired."

"Not too tired to get us our lunch I hope.." Another 'brother' chirped with mock cheerfulness.

Sena trembled and nodded hurriedly, stuttering out an affirmative before speeding down the hallways with renewed determination, trying to block out the amused laughter that seemed to surround him and suffocate him.

Gasping, the teen found himself suspended in midair.

"Damn pip squeak! Did you forget you were supposed to meet us for practice?" Himura questioned lazily, eyes blazing with underlaid menace. Sharp fangs bared in a hungry grin as he relaxed into his trademark slouch and raised an eyebrow down at him victim.

Sena sweatdropped and held up his hands, smiling,"Nono, I just had to quick get something for my friends and-"

"What friends?" Hiruma rumbled, expression darkening.

"I-I,"Sena stuttered fidgeting and sighing in relief when Hiruma released his hold on his uniform."Friends..from my homeroom."

"Oh, those idiot brothers?"

Sena blinked, once again questioning his sanity at how his teammate knew all this personal information seemingly on everyone they came across. "N-no-"

Hiruma leaned even closer to his face, warm breath puffing gently against Sena's suddenly dry lips. Licking them reflexively, Sena tried to ignore the way Hiruma's eyes followed to movement closely. "You aren't trying to lie to me, are you? Damn pipsqueak!" Yipping in startlement, Sena winced and rubbed his spiky hair where his sempai had brought his fist down.

When he finally gained the courage to try and retort why they even had practice during LUNCH,... he found that Hiruma had disappeared into the throng of students. Sighing partly in relief, partly in exhausted suspicion, Sena decided to leave it alone and go get the bully's lunch.

Sena thanked whatever gods lurked above that they weren't out of bread this time. But he had already been delayed, and now they would probably be agitated. Rubbing agitatedly at his suddenly irratated skin, Sena tugged at the pants encasing his thigh where the sensation seemed to be coming from. The realization made him stumble mid-step. Mentally cursing his carelessness, the teen jerked his hand away and continued on as if nothing had happen, hoping the wounds weren't completely reopened.

All in all, the whole incident took fifteen minutes, and by the time he returned to his homeroom, the brothers had left, and the classroom was empty. Glancing over his shoulder, Sena sighed and walked into the deserted room, sliding the door shut behind him. Sena tossed the now useless bread onto the teacher's desk and sat in his usual desk, propping his chin on an upturned palm to watch outside the window where in the cement courtyard the basketball players had shed their school jackets to play a quick game of basketball to amuse themselves during lunch. 

Blinking and squinting, Sena sweatdropped. Kurita stood, shuffling uncertainly at the edge of the courtyard, looking around and smiling happily when Hiruma approached him.

A couple sentences were exchanged, during which Kurita's smile wavered a bit before he nodded his understanding. Hiruma looked seriously pissed as he turned and marched straight back into the school. Sena quickly looked at the door, reassuring himself that it was closed and Hiruma wouldn't find him and beat him into a pulp-

"Damn pipsqueak!" The door shattered and a bullet shell clattered to a stop on the floor. Sena's sempai entered the classroom, carelessly slinging his gun over his shoulder as he frowned at the shorter boy. Behind a growing crowd of shocked and terrified students gathered, whispering and indicating the gun. One of the student board members dashed off in the direction of the office. Hiruma declined to look the least bit concerned and preceeded to drag a poor and timid Sena from the classroom and down two flights of stairs.

'Everyones treats me like a piece of meat..like I dont matter..maybe I dont..' Face shadowed, Sena limply let himself be dragged into the men's locker, only quickly donning his mask when Hiruma dropped him onto the cold tile of the locker room.

His football gear was tossed carelessly in his direction, only saved by Sena's frantic scrambling to gather it all and lay it neatly on a nearby bench.

"Hiruma san please be more careful with the team's gear-"

Hiruma rounded on him, eyes burning with a righteous rage as he towered over the smaller teen."You! You think you can avoid practising! We have a match tomorrow!"

Sena's jaw dropped to the floor, eyes bulging. Himura ignored him in favor of examining his nails,"Stop being so goddamn lazy and get with the program, damn pipsqueak. That sarogant mom of yours can't do everything-"There was a sudden silence, and Sena froze, looking up from where he had been distractedly listening to his friend.

"DAMNIT!" A fist came down in the middle of his head, leaving Sena's head spinning,"Get dressed while we talk!"

"But...Lunch is over in-"

Himura rolled his eyes skyward as if asking for patience,"We get out after lunch today, its Holidays."

"Oh..R-right. I forgot." Sena replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.'White day..great..'

The smaller boy began stripping off his shirt, then paled and bit his bottom lip, flushing and glancing askance at Himura. As if sensing his discomfort, the other boy raised a elegant brow, eyeing him questioningly.

Sena cleared his throat and slid off his shirt with a little more purpose.

"What? Im not helping you change! Damn pipsqueak.."

Sweatdropping, Sena put his hands on his hips,"Im not changing with you watching!"

Stunned silence reigned through the locker room for two minutes straight before a cackling shattered it. The blonde elf had fallen over on his side, laughing for all he was worth. Sena had to grudgingly admit it wasn't such a bad laugh before he shook himself out of it and glared at his sempai, looking offended.

"I-Im going to change in the bathroom stall.."

He hurried into the stall and slid on the football jersey, deciding they probably wouldn't need anything but shoulder pads for today's practice. He then began stripping off his pants, only to hiss as the healed yet still sticky and irratated wound stuck to his pants.

It was silent outside of the stall. Feeling nervous and harried, Sena grit his teeth and yanked down, kicking off the pants. Cue instantaneous panic.

"Shit!" Horrified, Sena watched the clot peel right off with the material, blood beginning to pool before trailing down his leg in sluggish rivelets. Covering his mouth in realization, Sena put the tiolet seat down on the seat behind him and sat, taking a deep breath.

"H-Hiruma san?"

"What is it now?Hurry up, damnit!"

"I..Don't think I can attend practice today." Sena replied, proud at how his voice remained calm.

Hiruma growled from the other side of the stall before jerking at the stall door. "Open up this damn thing, and I'll show you that you ARE attending practice!"

"Fuck off!" Sena growled, letting out a whimper when he realized just what he had said. The rattling immediately stopped, and the shadow of Hiruma on the other side shifted.

"What's going on, damn pipsqueak?"Hiruma's voice was less menacing, and more quiet and strangely normal. It sounded forced, like the other boy wasn't used to caring, didn't like not being in control of the situation.

"Gomen nasai, Hiruma san, I can't ...Im not going to practice today. I'll try and make it up to you tomorrow."

The other's footsteps shuffled again before hesitating, finally Hiruma growled and left, slamming the door violently behind him. Feeling suddenly deflated and exhausted Sena put his hand over his heart and calmed slowly by listening to the slowing beat of his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

The walk home was the longest Sena could ever remember. Sure, there had been darker days than these, but this... A small hand clenched in resolution. To dwell on these things would lead to me falling further, and that's not what the people who depend on me need right now. Shove it further inside...his mind whispered mournfully and he reluctantly obeyed, adding the depression to the ever-growing locked off room in the back of his mind.

The brown haired teen glanced to his right at where the sun was setting behind the riverbank. Below a couple lay intertwined on a quilt laid on the grass, their bodies seemed to meld and become one, encasing one another in their warmth. Sena's expression darkened with jealousy behind his messy hair.

That's right, he said to himself, _the days are shorter at this time of year, luckily mom works late so she won't miss me... I didn't realize how long I had been hiding out in the locker room. _Sena distractedly glanced at his watch hanging off of a scarily thin wrist. It read six thirty, causing Sena to wince guiltily.

, he said to himself, Sena distractedly glanced at his watch hanging off of a scarily thin wrist. It read six thirty, causing Sena to wince guiltily. 

Strong footfalls approached him steadily from behind, and the smaller boy tensed in anticipation, holding his black school bag to his chest and he winced. The footsteps slowed and a large dark figure stopped just feet in front of him.

Sena slowly lowered his book bag and opened his eyes, staring in awe at the formidable figure standing before him. Shin pushed his hood back to reveal his handsome face, eyeing the smaller boy and furrowing his brows in concentration. Sena sweat dropped and squirmed uncomfortable under the scrutiny, putting a hand behind his head and smiling sheepishly in hesitation.

"Ano...Shin sama.."

Starless eyes snapped to his amber ones and Sena cringed back a bit before swallowing,"W-what are you doing out this late?"

"Training."The other boy simply replied, looking over his shoulder as if he were impatient to continue.

Sena took the hint and bowed,"Well, sorry if I took up your time due to looking like someone you knew, I'll stop bugging you and-"

His babble fest(Awesome word..XD)was halted as Shin's eyes snapped back to his mercilessly. "Do I know you?"

"N-Nani?"

"Never mind."

Sena blinked in confusion and opened his mouth but Shin was already jogging away, hood pushed back over his hair. Flushing in embarrassment, Sena adjusted his bag to fit more comfortably to his side and shuffled in the same direction Shin had disappeared.

'_Once again, the infamous Eyeshield 21 is considered too strong and courageous to be timid Sena..._'A wry smirk grotesquely twisted the boy's features before fading away as he continued home slowly.

-----

Hiruma tiredly tossed his sweat-soaked jersey into his locker and ran a hand through stubborn blonde spikes. With a sigh he turned and eyed the bathroom stall that now stood empty and shadowed, Sena long gone.

A slight twinge in the back of his mind caused the blonde to growl in frustration before taking long easy strides to the abandoned stall. Hiruma stood there for a few moments in silence before turning to go, dismissing his psychic twinge as exhaustion. A dark brown blot on the floor caught his eyes, drawing them to further take in the scene of evidence. A small trail of blood pooled in generally the same spot just beside the toilet where the small teen had been standing.

It wasn't a lot of blood, but it peaked the pointy-eared blondes interest considerably. Where and why was Sena bleeding? How had he gotten the wound? The brothers image popped up in his mind but was quickly shoved aside, as much as they loved to manipulate Sena, they wouldn't resort to bloodshed.

Hiruma 'tsked' in annoyance and bent down, eyeing the blood curiously and ignoring the concern that wavered at the edge of his conscience._ Damn little pipsqueak, he made Kurita and that frivolous female worry over a little cut? Sheesh.._. Hiruma's eyes lazily scanned down the blood splats to hesitate on a small glinting object. Light brows furrowing in bewilderment, the elfin teen attempted to pick up the object only to hiss in pain. He jerked his hand back quickly and eyed his finger in bafflement before his eyes widened. A thin line of blood welled from the small paper cut-like wound to trail down his finger.

"Shit.." He cursed in annoyance, smearing the blood onto his football pants, bare skin along his arms and back rising in goose bumps as he stooped to once again, though more carefully, retrieve the offending object.

Hiruma bit his bottom lip, holding it between his fangs as he examined it, eyes slowly narrowing further and further. A razorblade. _Why the hell would that damned pipsqueak be carrying a razorblade in his backpack? Didn't he know that he could accidentally cut himself or..._

The razorblade slid from limp fingers to clatter on the floor, resting beside the dried droplets of blood. Hiruma growled lowly and turned, walking from the stall and jerkily finishing his changing before stiffly striding from the locker room.

-----

Sena twisted the key in the lock before halfheartedly pushing open the barrier to enter the shadowed house. Silence flooded his ears and the awkward creaking of the door's hinges jerked him back to reality.

Swearing softly, he stepped all the way into the room and pushed the door shut behind himself with his free arm while sliding his bag off the other to land unceremoniously on the hardwood floor.

His cellphone trembled violently in his pocket, causing the small boy to jump. Making a sound of dismay, Sena fished through his too-big pockets and retrieved his cellphone, flicking on the light next to the entranceway.

Mamori's name and number flashed persistently on the screen, and he turned off the phone's silent mode, wincing when his unique American rock music echoed throughout the empty household.

With a sigh, Sena pressed the talk button and held the phone to his left ear, balancing on one foot while his free hand worked clumsily to un-do his shoelaces.

"Mamori chan?"

"Sena!Where were you for Football practice today?"The older girl admonished.

Sena winced at her tone and paused in undoing his shoelaces,"Gomen, Mamori chan, I had something that came up and I couldn't-"

Mamori huffed at the other end of the line, resilient against his sugary sweet tone,"I had something I could have done after school too Sena! But I decided that helping the team and helping you was more important! Honestly, I wanted you to join after school activities, but if you can't handle the responsibility-"  
Amber eyes widening, Sena held the phone from his ear, staring at it in hurt before narrowing his eyes. Tone not changing, he calmly replied."As I said before, Mamori SEMPAI, I am deeply sorry. If you had other plans, you should have gone and done them. I don't need you to watch after me every moment when we're at school. I also don't need you telling me what's more important and what I should and shouldn't do."

There was a brief silence at the end, and Sena winced internally at his own words, opening his mouth to apologize before he was cut off.

"Gomen, Sena kun...you're right... y-you know what's best for yourself, not me... I d-didn't r-realize.."The soft voice at the other end paused for a choked cough,"I-I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Wait-!"A click signaled the end of the conversation. The small boy trembled in sadness and flipped his phone shut, tossing it onto the counter before violently kicking off his shoes.

"Gomen, Mamori chan.." He murmured before retreating into his room, sobs filtering through the door moments later.

, he said to himself, Sena distractedly glanced at his watch hanging off of a scarily thin wrist. It read six thirty, causing Sena to wince guiltily. 


	4. Chapter 4

That night Sena awoke to a dull humming reverberating through the house walls. Yawning tiredly and sleepily rubbing the haze from his eyes, he sat up in bed and pushed aside parchment white curtains to reveal a view of the driveway through his window. His mothers car lay loudly purring in the driveway, still running. Furrowing his brows in confusion, the brown haired teen sat up and pushed the latch on his window aside and pushed up the panel, leaning out to squint at the driver's side window.

A feminine silhouette with its back half facing the window shifted slightly, and then a larger shadow shifted forward to meld with the feminine one. Sena flushed to the roots of his hair and felt a wave of nausea infect his mind. He glanced at the alarm clock flashing innocently on his desk. It was midnight, his mother should've been home at least three hours ago. No wonder she hadn't woken him up when she got home, she had stayed out to..pick up some guy.

'Maybe Dad's back home?...' He thought desperately, once again squinting at the form before drawing back,'no, its impossible. He's in America for at least another two weeks for business.'

'Shit..'

The car's headlights finally switched off but the figures didn't exit from the car. A sick feeling swam slyly through his veins, drawing blood to his head and choking off his windpipe.

His mother was having sex with someone other than his dad. Brain shutdown. Sure he'd heard of such things on talk shows and imagined it for people who had druggies as parents or lived in trailer parks but HIS mom? Having an AFFAIR? It just...something was wrong with the entire picture. It was like a being force-fed a strange substance that you just couldn't swallow because it was too bitter and utterly foreign and..

Tears pricked the corners of Sena's eyes and flowed over to kiss his cheeks. The small boy hurriedly pulled down the window panel and latched it tightly, trying to keep the pain outside, outside in the car where his mother was fucking some stranger while his hero, his father, was on a fucking business trip, working to support their family that was..that had a fucking WHORE of a mother.

Sena felt the hate build inside of him in a uncomfortably hot little core that seemed to build the more he thought about the incident. He wouldn't forgive his mother, he would NEVER forgive his mother for this. Feeling strangely childish, he growled and yanked the curtains back over his window and crossed his arms over his chest, back against the cool glass that leaked through the thin white curtains.

'I hate this... I hate all this sick drama and how fucking UNFAIR everything and everyone is to me and ...what have I done... What did I DO to deserve this?'

Thin shoulders shook with suppressed sobs and Sena stubbornly pushed it down inside into the little backroom in his mind. "I won't let this get to me.." Sena whispered softly, pulling his scarily thin knees to his tanktop-clad chest. "I'm not going to let this pain control me and eat me up inside..God.." He choked on a sob and banged his head against the glass, squeezing shut his eyes.

"Like hell Im going to let you get to me." He spoke numbly to the pain eating away at his insides. Sena hurriedly sat up and smiled dizzily, stumbling to kneel on the floor and feel blindly under his bed before pulling out his old boom box. He once again dug into the mess beneath his bed and dug out a box full of CDs. 'Need something sad, something depressing and suicidal and.. mm..'

His American cd, Finch, seemed to scream at his from the bottom of his small clan of CDS. Sena gripped it tightly in his hand and pried open the case, slipping the cd into his boom box before plugging it in and turning it up loud enough that all other sounds in the house were blocked out, but it wouldn't sound too loud from outside of his room. Humming dejectedly to the first song on the cd, he frowned and looked at the back of the case before turning it to the song Without You Here. He sat back against the side of his bed, reaching blindly in the darkness of his room for the shoebox on his bookshelf only several feet from where he sat on the floor. His fingertips touched the rough cardboard of the box and he grasped it, a shuddery sigh of relief and ecstasy of what was to come escaping from his parted lips.

Sena flipped the lid up on the old shoebox and search through the loose changed to jump when his finger raked over the edge of his sharp razorblade. "Shit.." He murmured before ignoring the paper cut-like pain emanating from his finger, he drew his salvation from the box before carelessly shoving the case to the side. Leaning back once more, he stretched his pale arm before him and eyed it and the way the shadows from the bed didn't reach his wrist, leaving the dull shine of moonlight that somehow pierced through the curtains to bathe his skin.

The razor gleaned seductively as he pressed it to the paper-thin flesh on his wrist. The boy bit his bottom lip till it bled and pressed the edge of the razor into his flesh hard enough for a drop of blood to well up from the indentation the pressure from the razor created. He then drew the blade down at an agonizingly slow pace until the nerves sang with warning and his arm twitched. Sena stubbornly held his arm still and continued dragging the blade painfully through his flesh, wounds deep enough the blood immediately welled from the torn flesh and flowed over to leave crimson rivulets gathering on the underside of his arm.

Finally he stopped the painful process and let his afflicting arm fall to his side, razor held limply between his slim fingers. Mind screaming with warning and bile rising to sting his throat mercilessly, he watched with a dull smile as his wrist erupted in crimson tears and trembled in pain. Feeling slightly dizzy from blood loss, but otherwise fine, Sena once again raised the razor to this time quickly criss-cross crimson lines across the larger cut. The end result was cuts that would scar over to look like stitches. The pale boy smiled tiredly, all anger and pain and desperation having mercifully drained from his during his process of cleansing.

Carefully keeping his wounded appendage on his thighs to prevent the blood from leaving telltale stains on his carpet, he drifted into an uneasy slumber.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

'Saturday...' Sena thought blurrily, opening his eyes to loll his head back on the edge of his bed. Dull amber eyes took in his white ceiling before flickering to his right at his bedroom door.

Looks like his mom hadn't come in to wake him up. Realization struck him like a mace to the head and he laughed breathlessly, throwing his injured arm over his eyes as his nose was assaulted with the copper-like stench of dried blood.

'Of course, she was probably with HIM all night...'

"How twisted can this pathetic life become?" He murmured in sick amusement to himself before sitting up, angrily brushing the tears from his aching eyes. Speaking of aching eyes...Sena gingerly pushed the pads of his fingers at the lids beneath his eyes. They were swollen and hot compared to the rest of his face. Looks like he had a cried a lot last night. 'Great..' He thought sarcastically, standing unsteadily, legs trembling as he gained his bearings and stretched.

His slim stomach growled imploringly and he grunted in reply, scratching the flaking blood from his wrists and wincing as the swollen wounds stung in protest before weeping clear liquid mixed lightly with blood. Sena stumbled to his closet and pulled a oversized long sleeved plain black shirt of his head so the sleeves hung a good three inches past his wrists and the hem to his upper thighs. He then chose his then-baggy, now-loose school pants from yesterday, ignoring the stiffness of the invisible dried bloodstain near the thigh, over his boxers.

He ran shaking hands through his permanently mussed hair and opened his door to walk into the near-adjoining bathroom. Shutting the door behind himself, he narrowed his eyes in distaste at his reflection. He looked a tad paler than usual, in what every assumed was naturally uber fair skin, and noticeably dark bags outlined his lower lids that were slightly red from his crying last night. His bony shoulders jutted slightly from his loose shirt and his brunette hair hung messily in all directions, limper than usual and hanging in his eyes annoyingly.

"Gotta look happy Sena.." He told his reflection with a mocking smile than a laugh at his own drowsiness. He mechanically washed his face, cooling the heat under his eyes and waking himself slightly. He then ran wet fingers through his hair, making it come to life slightly but leaving the hair hanging over his eyes to hide the shadows.

Sena plucked distastefully at his shirt but then shrugged,"Fuck it..." And exited the bathroom, freezing when he saw his mother mulling around the kitchen and humming cheerfully to herself.

Sena frowned and nibbled at his bottom lip, making a beeline for the front door. His mother turned in a flurry of pink frills and a frying pan with cooking eggs. She smiled largely and set the pain on the stove top, slipping off her oven mits to walk forward and capture her son in a hug.

Body rigid, Sena glared into the material of his mother's apron.

"Morning Honey, sorry I didn't wake you up for school earlier! I slept in a bit today and forgot to set the alarm."

"Mom, today is Saturday, remember?"

The pretty woman pulled back and flushed slightly," I completely forgot! Well, I guess this means I don't have work today either."

Sena nodded and shrugged before once again heading for the door, his mother frowned,"Well, aren't you going to say good morning to me?"

The short teen hesitated before glancing over his shoulder with a small fake smile,"I'm going to the park to hang out with my friends, is that ok?"

His mother's smile came back full force,"Of course honey, you have fun and remember, if you want to bring your friends over for dinner tonight we have plenty of food and you can rent a movie too-"

"Alright mom!" Sena laughed tightly, walking outside and slamming the door behind himself and hissing in frustration when he heard his mom begin singing cheerfully behind the door inside the kitchen, unfazed by her son's behavior.

A boy from school Sena didn't recognize stood in his front yard a few houses down from Sena, playing baseball with his younger sibling. He waved at Sena with a smile and paused to walk to the edge of his lawn. Sena smiled and paused.

"Yo! Sena, right?"

"Hai! Its nice to see you.."

"Takashi."

"Ah, Takashi sempai! I didn't even recognize you with the baseball cap on!" Sena said, realization spiking through him. It was the upperclassmen's Student Council Secretary. They had partnered in gym a lot a couple years back in middle school.

"Hehe, long time no see, chicken legs!"

Sena blushed at the nickname and smiled, looking at the younger version of his old friend,"Is this your little brother?"

"Yeah, he's a baseball addict just like his older brother,"Takashi smiled, stepping back to ruffle the youngsters hair.

"Well, its nice to see that you have something productive to do on a Saturday,"Sena blushed happily.

Takashi grinned,"Bored?"

The shorter shrugged in reply,"Im going to the park to meet some friends."

"Ah, say hi to Monta kun for me won't you?"

Sena blinked and flushed again, and Takashi laughed at his shyness,"I watch your football games."

"H-how did you-?"

"Well you're the Team Manager aren't you?"

"O-oh! Hai!"Sena laughed nervously.

Takashi eyed him and shrugged before turning and waving over his shoulder,"Well see you around then!"

"Ja Ne!"Sena smiled, mentally scolded himself for sounding like such a geek. 'Of course, I'm the frail little Team Manager..of course. What were you thinking Sena?'

o0o0o0o0o0o

Kinda a filler chapter to add more angst... in the next chapter, im not going to give it all away but Sena will encounter Hiruma and there will be a bit of a confrontation but you'll just have to find out -shifty eyes- Thank you so much for the reviews !;-; Im so happy that people are faithfully reviewing every update I make because without all the reviews I would probably not update as much, as little as I update already!;-;

And my friend NNCS just pmed me on and I was so happy so I must say thank you! Uber Thank you! ;-; I was extremely happy to hear from you after all this time and Im glad your still reading my fics!


	5. Chapter 5

Sena hummed lightly to the song Post Script from his Finch cd, fingers tapping along on the case to his cd player hidden in the pocket of his pants, headphones strung hazardously outside to fit over his ears hidden beneath hair that badly needed cut.

Saturday had come and gone, involving him saying goodbye to Takashi and laying on the grass in a secluded section of the city's park, watching the wind drift through tree branches and mulling over the recent tragedies in his life.

Returning home he had noticed that his mom's car missing from the driveway and a note tacked to the front door explaining that she had gone out to have dinner with some friends and she wouldn't be back too late. The note was tactfully ignored in favor of returning to his self-proclaimed sanctuary, his room.

Sunday turned out to be just as shitty as the day before, his mom remembering to wake him up and forced him to eat a platefull of eggs and toast before he went out to 'hang out with his friends.'

So Sena found himself laying in the exact same spot he had discovered yesterday, a carefree smile gracing his lips as he watched the sky through the thick foliage of one of the park's many oak trees.

'I missed practice this morning, I wonder if anyone noticed.' Stupid question, Mamori had tried calling him five times on his cell before finally giving up and leaving a text message asking him to call her back as soon as possible. Another call had been from Kurita, but he had left no message.

Hiruma hadn't bothered to call... Sena worried at his bottom lip before rolling onto his side and allowing his eyelids to drift halfway shut as his frail fingers toyed with a blade of green grass.'That's a little too much to hope for, Sena..' The teen thought with a dry chuckle.

A pair of worn sneakers abruptly obstructed his vision and the short boy started, shooting into sitting position and pushing his headphones back to rest on the fringes of the hood of his sweatshirt.

Amber eyes slowly trailed up to land on a dark-haired boy.

"Takashi sempai!"

"Hai!"The other boy replied cheerfully, plopping his backpack in the grass before settling down beside the other boy."I saw you laying here and decided to come join you."

Sena flushed and hurriedly searched for the pause button as the mix cd began to play Stitches from the american band, Orgy. Takashi's face brightened in recognition and he grasped the other boy's hand, smiling happily,"It looks like we have the same taste in music, Sena kun."

The brunette blinked before returning the smile, scratching at his baggy sweatshirt sleeve self consciously. "You listen to American bands?"

"Of course! Lot's of people in our class do!" The other retorted, playfully elbowing the other before unzipping his backpack and digging through the contents inside.

'Takashi sempai is so open with invading other's personal space...'Sena mused with a sweatdrop, watching the other search frantically.

"Ano..Takashi sempai?"

"Please just call me Takashi! Sempai sounds so formal and since we're friends I don't think sempai should be my title."

"H-hai...What are you looking for?"

"Aha!"The other exclaimed victoriously, pulling a bulky leather case from his bag. Sena eyed it curiously and brightened when Takashi unzipped it to reveal its contents.

The shorter boy turned one of the many pages which held cds, smiling in wonder. Takashi sniffed proudly and sat back, watching his newfound friend drink in his pride and joy.

Sena paused when he started to notice burned cds labeled Orgy and Evanescence, along with Otep and Jack off Jill.

"I've only heard of one of these bands, if I remember correctly.."

Takashi leaned in, resting his chin on Sena's shoulder and missing the blush that darkened the boy's cheeks,"Ah! They're all really good bands... You have to listen to them! You can borrow them if you want."

"Oh no- I mean... I might damage them.."Sena whispered sadly, eyeing the cds longingly.

The dark haired boy laughed,"Sena chan, these cds have been gathering dust since baseball season started. Im sure they could use some breaking in! Seriously though, don't worry about it, they're already got battle scars, see?" He held up one as evidence. It had light scratches adorning it fornt and back. Sena blinked and laughed along with Takashi.

"I do see. Arigatou Takashi se- kun." The other waved him off and pushed the entire case of cds into his hands, leaning back against a large tree trunk.

"No problem, I've never shared them with anyone before since there was no one to share them with!"

Sena froze and studied the other's face, taking in the seemingly permanent smile,"B-but youre-"

"On the student board? Yeah... I get that a lot. I just don't fit in with most of the other students at our school. I have mood swings a lot, ya know?"

Blinking cautiously, Sena nodded while still riffling through the cds, not really looking at them.

"My parents got divorced a couple months ago... and I... I dunno. I guess I'm just being stupid, ne?"Takashi chuckled, looking up at the sky and shielding his eyes from the sun with his arms. Sena paled, recognizing the tell tale scars on the other boy's arms. Takashi looked at the other's expression and blinked, lowering his arm and eyeing it with a sad smile.

"Ah... these are pretty old... It was a couple years ago when my parents started fighting."

"H-How can you be so casual about it?" Sena whispered brokenly, eyes tracing the self inflicted scars.

His companion leaned in close and lay a large calloused hand on his small shoulder, Sena looked into the other's kind brown eyes. "Cause I got over it, ya know? I realized that Im not the only one hurting and... Me hurting myself...it..it felt good at the time, but it never brought me ultimate satisfaction. I c-couldn't... couldn't stop the pain by bringing more... My little brother walked in on me... one night... and I... He's still the only one I talk to about it."

"Your little-"

"Yeah, he's just a little guy, inn't he? He's the most grownup little kid I know."Takashi smiled fondly, biting his lower lip as he pulled sweatbands from his bag and pulled them back over his wrists."So, I still have him and that's enough for me.."

Sena's eyes filled with tears and he clenched his hands around his sleeves, looking at the ground as he sniffed quietly.

"You have people who love you too, ya know, Sena chan."

The brunette snapped his head around to stare at his friend, hands beginning to tremble,"N-nani?"

Takashi vaguely gestured at Sena's sweatshirt clad arms,"you don't need to depend on stuff like that. Im sure your friends and family would be very sad if they knew.."

Amber eyes narrowed and Sena frowned, standing and eyeing the other," I don't know what you're talking about, Takashi sempai."

"Hiruma san called me the other day and told me that you needed some help-"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING!" Sena screamed, hands fisting in his hair as he stared unseeingly at the ground."HOW WOULD HE KNOW THAT!"

Takashi sat up, eyes filled with concern, only to fall back when Sena's glare returned on him full-force."DID YOU TELL HIM!"

"Sena, how would I tell him?..He was the one who contacted me.."

The short boy growled and kicked the boys cd case at him,"Im not some fucking INVALID, Takashi SAN. I can't believe Hiruma san would...would betray me in such a way. I suggest you keep this to yourself."

"Hiruma already KNOWS, Sena. He just wants to help-"

"Then why isn't HE the one here talking to me right now!"

"Because he knows that I went through the same thing and he just thought that-"

"Takashi san.."Sena broke in coldly, looking away from the other and sliding back on his headphones,"you have no IDEA what I am going through and suggest you keep your fucking philosophies and self-help shit to yourself. What I do to myself is my, and only my business. I don't want to ever see or talk to you again, and if you try to make any sort of contact with me, I'll fucking..."The brunette shook his head jerkily and left, not turning back to see the other's expression.

Several blocks away the teen stopped and leaned against the a fenced tree near the sidewalk, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Keening silently, Sena slammed his fist into the iron fence and continued on, pulling his hood up and low enough to cover his face, feeling safe inside of the warm shield from the outside world.

'Fuck them. FUCK them. I don't need Hiruma or Takashi or fucking Mamori and they're shit-faced lies and 'help'. I have all I need right here. Right here inside of my fucking self.'

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Perhaps I shall add in a suicide attempt...I dunno... this chapter really got me going cause an extremely similar situation happened to me and ... made me very sad and feel betrayed and blah. So this story is becoming uncomfortably similar to my experiences and ...ne.

Please review and tell me what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

Sena sipped dejectedly on his clear straw, ignoring the telltale slurping sounds that came from the bottom of his McDonald's cup signaling that there was no more life-sustaining caffeine left in said cup.

Limp mocha hair hung annoyingly over into his amber eyes as he stair listlessly at a pencil mark on the cheap tabletop at the lonely table in the corner of the fastfood place which only he occupied.

'So Hiruma knows, no big deal, it's not like he is actually concerned for ME. His concern lies in my ability and health in being Eyeshield 21. Fuck. I just wish he hadn't brought other people into this entire fucking soap opera. Takashi... I don't even know him that well. What if he tells someone or spreads rumors around the school?' A trembling hand weaved itself firmly into his unruly locks, tightening into a fist when he felt a single warm salty tear make its way down his cheek.

Sena quickly loosed his fist in his hair and sat up, dashing away a tear with his shirt sleeve as he smiled politely at the waiter who had stopped momentarily next to his table with a concerned expression on her fair-featured face.

"Sena-chan?"

Amber eyes widened considerably and Sena flushed with embaressment and guilt, fidgeting hurriedly with his cup and straw as his eyes roved in any direction but her face.

"Mamori-neechan! I didn't know you worked here!" He chirped, scratching the back of his neck as his squinted his eyes closed and finally raised his face to smile at her. "I didn't even see you when I first came in here!"

The older girl worried at her lower lip and slowly sat down across from him, sliding off her McDonald's hat to grasp it in her lap as she smiled sadly and shrugged," I saw you but I didn't know if you wanted to be left alone or not.."

Sena felt a pang of guilt and furrowed his brows," Of course I wouldn't mind if you came over to sit or talk with me, Mamori-chan."

"Oh...cause you've been kinda acting like I was suffocating you lately...and...Sena-chan..Im so sorry.." She sobbed brokenly, bowing her head and allowing her short silky hair to brush past her shoulders to shelter her face from view as her delicate shoulders shook and trembled.

Some of her fellow employees looked over in concern, as did some of the customers who had been watching the young beauty. Sena noticed this and hurriedly leaned in, reaching for her shoulder and stroking it lightly in an uncomfortable manner," Please don't cry, Mamori. Im not angry at you at all... I should be the one apologising... I've been acting out of character lately and... it isn't your fault at all.." 

Mamori shook her head quickly, sniffling and wiping away her tears in a futile attempt to compose herself as she smiled hesitantly at him,"I kn-know Im acting really stupidly by breaking down over this but its just... I've known you forever Sena-kun and I've never seen you looking so sad and alone as this. And.. And I know that, for once, whatever this is.. I can't be the one to heal you from whatever is afflicting you this time... I can only just be here for you... and it makes me feel so.."She broke off,looking back down at her hat and occassionally sniffing quietly.

Sena's hand shook slightly as he let it slide off her shoulder to rest back in his lap, tugging nervously at sweatshirt sleeves as he swallowed the lump in his throat. He glanced around hesitantly and noticed that almost everyone had gone back to their previous activities and he tried to steady to deafening thrum of his heartbeat.

"Afflicting me?.."He whispered hoarsely, eyes glancing at her intensely before drifting off back to the pencil mark on the table.

Mamori blinked and shook her head, seemingly coming back to herself as she resumed hesitantly smiling at him,"Yes... is it a girl, Sena? Or bullies? Just tell me, please.. I want to help you." She said, voice firm with determination.

The small teen mentally groaned but offered his childhood friend a dry smile,"Its something like that... But Im already working it out.Its just.." The boy hesitated, knowing that even in all this time they had been friends, Mamori knew next to nothing about his home life."Nevermind."

Mamori looking hurt as she stood, smoothing out her apron. All eyes in McDonald's immediately flew to her and sparkled in admiration and love. Sena sweatdropped, noticing this with a slight jealousy.

"Well... Hiruma-kun said to excuse you from all practices this week... So I was worried. But I can see you are dealing with it well on your own, Sena-kun. And I think I realize now..they reason why you were annoyed with me. I can't protect you forever, you've grown up...and right now I have to be a friend, right? Not a mother?.."Mamori once more dashed away tears and flashed him a genuine smile before hurrying back to a customer who had his hand raised.

Sena sat there, sorting through mixed emotions of strong sadness, relief, and guilt as the soft chatter of customers created a sort of cocoon as he realized with sadness that soon he would have to walk home and be alone once more. For some reason, Sena dreaded be alone, for then there would be no one and nothing to stop the sadness and depression from rearing its ugly head once more.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Nee... Im so so so SO very sorry -bows- for taking so long to update and with such a short and kinda random chapter... but it had to be done... cause as much as Mamori reminds me of Sakura from Naruto, I cant help but love her genuine brightness and kind attitude.. and she really does love sena. So I cant bash her -sweatdrop- im sorry, but its impossible for me lol.

And plus..each of these little installments are just coming to me as more and more suck-ass things pile up in my life. Seriously, I dont know how Im going to survive until college. But... Its really weird.. cause I was thinking about it a lot..especially in the past week ((it was spring break here)) how fanfiction has been a really big comfort in my life. It sounds corny, but its true... I write out all of my sadness or angst into my stories and Ive made awesome friends... NNCS, TD03, Wickerwood, ChaosDreamer, Suryalee, LemonKitty, etc... And most of them probably dont even remember me but Ive realized that I may very well be the only one who actually like... installs their words into my daily life. -.- Ill be talking with a friend, or sadness or whatever, and Ill just think of something they said, or one of their stories, and it just puts a smile on my face because... yeah... Ive been writing fanfiction and been a member of for around five years! Since I was eleven! ((had a different account back then)) And Ive been writing all of this time! And my stories might not have improved so much... ((or my grammar. Gomen Nasai!)) But... neh.  
It must sound so stupid to some people..because its just a hobby or a random thing... and even though I dont update for long periods of time..im on here everyday reading stories and checking up on fellow members and re-reading favorite stories and managing some of the stories of the C2 community Im staff of... its just... -smiles sheepishly and shrugs- something that means a lot to me and so smile goddamnit! The freaky yaoi fangirls of shall live forever! MWAHAHAHA


	7. Chapter 7

Sena kicked dejectedly at a stray lump of grass protruding from the worn and cracked sidewalk bordering the street. The scenic sakura blossom trees and historical buildings did nothing to improve his mood. He found his tired feet were carrying him towards home, a place he did definitely not want to be at the moment. Instead, he changed direction and headed across the street, jumping and flushing when a driver honked angrily at him while speeding over the hill.

Sena's feet touched down on the other sidewalk and he heaved a sigh, tilting back his head to watch the sky. Noticing the storm clouds beginning to permeate the previously ocean blue skies, the teen pulled his hood over his spiky chocolate and caramel hair and slowed his pace, slipping his headphones through his sweatshirt pocket and underneath the hood of said sweatshirt to cover his ears.

Just as Sena was about to push the play button, a crack a lightning caused him to jump. He winced guiltily at the bulge in his sweatshirt where his cd and all its angst music was hidden, deciding instead to enjoy the rare storm that was building.

Ever since he was small, Sena could remember stopping whatever he was doing to watch the rain and lightning, shivering in excitement whenever a loud boom of lightning shook the earth. His father would hold him up to the window in the living room, rivulets of cool rainwater trailing down the window as their lawn dampening and began to turn an almost luminescent green. The cracked sidewalks turned a darker grey, and people outside with their umbrellas seemed darker yet their colors more pronounced. Everything seemed more alive and new and it was almost like, a younger Sena thought, a kinda of shower that cleaned the world of all the dirt and sadness, bringing on a new freshness afterwards.

His mother never let him go outside, fearing her little boy would be struck by lightning or catch a cold. Even when Sena was younger, he could remember the frequent doctor trips he had to attend because his body was slightly underdeveloped and his immune system seemed to be weaker than normal.

Caught in his musings, the brunette gasped in surprise when a large gob of water landed on the end of his exposed nose. Wide hazel eyes peered up at the weeping sky, cold water caressing his pale face and hands as he stretched them skyward and opened his mouth, pink tongue lolling out to catch the stray drops of water as he giggled childishly.

Already, bikers were pedaling as fast as their legs could take them past the prone boy, trying to make it home before the real rain started. Sena hugged himself and sighed contentedly, twitching slightly at every whirl of a bike's wheels as they flew past him at seemingly impossible speeds and rainwater splatted on his clothes before soaking into the cloth.

His mother's warm voice reverberated through his head and amber eyes slid shut lazily, twitching in tune with the raindrops that tapped out a rhythm on his lids."Rain rain, go away, come again another day."

Chanting along with the imagined voice, the boy pushed back his hood, shaking his head with a smile as wet hair flopped about his face. Sena started off back towards the park, walking across a bridge where cars edged past, and below children wrapped themselves in towels and ran from the swelling river towards their parents waiting in cars.

A young girl sat huddled and crying on the riverbank, leg bent as she examined her bleeding foot.

The other children yelled at her to hurry before leaving her behind for the safety and warmth of their parents arms. Sena paused and smiled sadly at the girl who's face was red as she sobbed angrily at her friends disregard for her injury.  
"Sakura! Come on!"

The blonde girl's head jerked up and she sniffled, wiping dripping bangs from her forehead as she stood shakily, leaning on her older brother as he smiled and they started off together for a dark blue van.

The water began to seep through his pants and stick uncomfortably to his still-healing wounds. Sena shifted restlessly before continuing on, looking around nervously before peeling the soaking heavy pants from his now irritated wounds.

"Should've bandaged them once more before I went out again.." He sighed to himself, trying to look normal as he waddled onward.

"Ah! Sena! Effort-max!" A blurry figure on the other end of the bridge cried out, swiftly closing in on Sena as the said figure ran at full speed, umbrella flapping uselessly at his side.

"Ah, Monta-kun!Erm.."Sena held up his hands, waving them desperately in a signal to stop before oofing on impact, rolling on the wet unforgiving ground and cringing when he heard an ominous crack.

A brown head flopped upwards, shaking wildly and spraying water everywhere. Monta smiled in greeting and got up, offering a hand to his teammate. "Gomen nasai, Sena!" The boy shielded his eyes comically and glanced around,"Is Mamori-san with you?"

Sena sweat dropped and brushed himself off in vain, smiling in return,"No, she's at work I believe. Why are you out in the rain, Monta-kun?"

The other boy waved him off carelessly, swinging his umbrella around," I should ask you the same question! We haven't seen you at practice in awhile and we have a game coming up against those Camelions!"

"H-hai. Didn't Hiruma tell you...?"A nervous twinge started up in Sena's chest, blocking out the sound of the now worsening weather.

"Hm? He just said you were sick. I can see what he meant! And you're standing out in the rain!"

"Ah, I went for a quick walk and neglected to bring my umbrella.."Sena replied, smiling sheepishly.

Monta grinned and shoved his umbrella into his equally short friend's hands,"Here! Take mine! I brought three with me!"

Sena blinked in bewilderment before opening his mouth to thank his friend but Monta was already running off, another umbrella, this time with pink polka dots and yellow stripes, towards McDonald's where Mamori worked," See ya later, Sena! I have to go bring Mamori an umbrella so she doesn't get wet when she has to walk home!"

Sena shook his head, smile still present on his face as he patted his broken cd player and started off once more.

o0o0o0o0o0o

WOOOO! I updated! Im sorry if I scared you..Im definitely not gonna leave this story unfinished, if thats what you're wondering. Im just a very ADHD type of person in real life and ...yeah. This chapter sucked ass!-sweatdrops with a sheepish grin- but at least I updated! Of course next Sena will end up in the park and be sitting on the swings and Hiruma makes an appearence! But whats this! He's with someone else! Sena investigates! Why am I talking this way!

Find out in the next chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

Mood: Smile Empty Soul **This Is War**

The brunette cursed softly beneath his breath and the pitter-pat of raindrops on his borrowed umbrella. Yup, Sena's cd player was most definately broken. He had gotten it three years prior as a Christmas present from his mom and dad. Of course, it was a miracle the fragile disc player had survived until now, being an earlier model and having been kicked around, repeatedly dropped, forgotten underneath the bed for weeks at a time.

Still, it held a certain air of sentimentality... too bad such a gun-ho incident had been it's downfall.

As usual, Sena found his feet carrying himself into the shelter of the park's trees as dusk crept over the sky, seemingly early due to the still continuing storm. He sat heavily on a slick wooden bench, leaning back and shoving his cold clammy hands into his sweatshirt pocket, fingers running unconsciously over his broken cd player as he folded his umbrella and sat it next to him.

The rain quickly began to work at resoaking his hood, bringing an uncomfortable wet feeling creeping down his back and into the shirt beneath. There was no world outside of his misty symphony of raindrops, no noise, no hustle and bustle, no insults, and no room for thoughts to lead to the depression. No, the rain was cleansing it all, and he could feel an enormous weight lifted off of his shoulders.

Drowsily he watched through the veil of water as a scant few brave souls strolled down the sidewalks, either running in desperation to get to their house or apartment before they were completely soaked through, or wandering souls like him.

Blonde hair poking out from beneath a traditional black umbrella caught his eye. Sena squinted curiously, not really paying attention as he enjoyed the storm, but felt the corner of his eye twitch slightly when he recognized the hungry sneer and green jacketless school uniform Hiruma was wearing. Beside him walked petite girl, not too attractive, but not ugly either as she held Hiruma's arm, laughing as they shared an umbrella to avoid the rain. Sena felt a small tug in his chest and shrunk further into his hoody, trying not to be noticed.

The girl, grey eyes sparkling and wet brown hair sticking to her flushed cheeks, leaned her head on the taller man's shoulder. Hiruma said something, teeth flashing in a grin immediately afterwards.

_He looks happy..._ Sena observed silently, feeling a pang of jealousy, not only because there was a girl hanging off the blonde's arm, but at the emotional stability the other seemed to ommit. Whether it be anger, disappointment, insanity. It was always so goddamned _stable_.

The girl tripped on the wet sidewalk, only to giggle breathlessly when her blonde companion carefully gripped her arm and helped her to straighten.

_I'm so _stupid _to even assume-_ What was he assuming again? The numb created by the cool rain was beginning to make him feel lightheaded.

That Hiruma cared? Maybe even more than a friend? For a skinny little mole like himself?

Lightning flashed violently, illuminating the now dark park, followed seconds later by a bone-jarring rumble of thunder closeby.

What time was it?

The brunette squinted at the clock that was illuminated as a lamppost. 7:00.

Well, his mom probably wouldn't even be home so there was no rush.

"Hiruma-chan! You should know better than to use such language around a lady such as I?" A light and harmonious voice chirped jokingly from the sidewalk that wound along through the park, passing dangerously close to where Sena was parked on the bench.

Said brunette jerked his head up with a start, dazed eyes resembling that of a deer-in-headlights as his eyes met his teammate's.

The blonde's mouth open a shut several times before he started to step away from his companions side.

The girl followed his gaze and blinked, eyes widening when she spotted the soaked Sena.

"Little boy! What are you doing out in the rain! Where's your mom-"

"Kira..." Hiruma trailed off, looking slightly angry before shifting uncomfortably."Fucking pipsqueak, what are you doing sitting out in the middle of a storm. It's getting dark!"

Sena glanced at the umbrella at his side, grabbing it and popping it open as he shifted his eyes towards the wet green grass, a flush of embaressment at the knowledge Hiruma carried on his dark secret.

The girl, Kira, looked back and forth between them before offering the boy a smile,"Oh! Hiruma-chan, do you know him?"

The blonde ignored her, looking faintly troubled as he observed his teammate stand and shuffle uncomfortably in place.

"G-gomen nasai! I didn't mean to interrupt your date, Hiruma-san..." He tried to keep his voice politely pleasant, but failed to completely mask the trace of bitterness that seemed to linger in the clean, cleansed environment that surrounded them.

He could tell the taller man intended to continue their conversation, but was unsure of what to say with the female companion standing there. Also, his pride wouldn't allow him to feel pity for him, Sena thought angrily, bowing his head and unable to choke out a parting phrase as he waved cheerfully over his shoulder and acted as if he were late for something, jogging hurriedly back towards the desserted streets.

o0o0o0o0o0

The teen walked through the door, quickly shaking out his umbrella before leaning it against the doorframe.

As he had predicted, the house was still dark and empty, even though his mother didn't have work that day. Sena tried to keep the thoughts of how his parent was entertaining herself.

He slipped out of his shoes and grimaced at the uncomfortable damp feel of his sweatshirt sleeves, debating whether or not to take them off as he sauntered aimlessly around the kitchen, pausing when he spotted the phone sitting on the middle of the counter blinking in the dim light.

Without a second thought, Sena pushed the message button, grabbing a dishtowel from under the sink and sitting at the island in the kitchen to dry his limp hair.

"You have ONE unread messages."

BEEP

"Moshi moshi!" Sena's hands fumbled with his towel, a mix of happiness and fear mixing in his stomach at the sound of his father's cheerful greeting filling the silent kitchen.

"Well, I bet you can both guess who this is! The deal was finished ahead of time so it turns out I'll actually be coming back a couple days earlier than I thought I would!"

_He doesn't know._ Sena thought dully, images of his mother's betrayal running rampant through his mind as the message continued on, heedless of the inner turmoil raging through his son.

"Ummm, I might be taking a sidetrip on the way home, though, since this trip is being paid for, so don't expect me any earlier than planned, actually. I will try to make it home as soon as possible, though! Ashiteru, my beautiful wife and productive son!"

If the situation had been any less tense, Sena would have laughed and shook his head at his father's strange but humorous choice of words. But this, this time was different.

_What's going to happen when he comes home? Is mom going to act like nothing changed? Will he walk in on them? Does she expect me to keep it a secret as well?_

_I wish my life were less complicated than this..._The teen though dully, burying his head in his already wet sweatshirt sleeves as a few stray tears trailed down his expressionless face from his dull eyes to soak into the fabric.

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HAHA! Lunapokema... you reviewed. -starry eyes- Im so sorry for not updating sooner... I could make a ton of excuses, all of which really DID distract me for a long while, but I can only offer my heartfelt apologies, and pray that my bulbous head does not succumb to my ADHD anytime soon once more.

-poses dramatically-


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